Feline exhausted? Dog-tired?
We cut all these jokes into strips, put them in a bowl and read them to each other at the end of the session to laugh at all the bureaucrats who will never experience purpose, will never see the point of service and who will have already broken their toys.
50 of the best and worst Catmas Cracker Jokes for Cattery & Kennels parties!
- What happens when the DEFRA kids are naughty? UKACK gives them the sack.
- Why didn’t DEFRA read my advent calendar? Because they know their days were numbered.
- What’s the only license a DEFRA bureaucrat has to apply for? A lie-cense.
- What do you call a DEFRA bureaucrat in a place of work? Lost and uncomfortable.
- What sport do DEFRA bureaucrats practice for the most? The high jump.
- What’s the difference between a room full of monkeys with typewriters and a room full of DEFRA bureaucrats with a word document? The monkeys will eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare.
- What do you call a DEFRA bureaucrat with a job? Well connected.
- What emergency regulation did DEFRA introduce for Kennels before Christmas? Mandatory mobile bones to report all the imaginary instances of animal cruelty.
- What do parasites and DEFRA bureaucrats love most? Other people’s blood, sweat and tears.
- Why can’t a DEFRA bureaucrat work in a fruit juice factory? They’re unable to concentrate.
- What do you get if you cross a DEFRA bureaucrat with an angry cat? A hissy-shit.
- Why did the DEFRA bureaucrat think he was getting a turkey dinner for Christmas? Because he’d been watering the egg for the last nine months.
- What do DEFRA bureaucrats have in common with Sisyphus? Every day bureaucrats move papers from one place to another and then back again and nothing ever changes.
- Why did the turkey cross the road? Because the DEFRA minister needed another latte.
- What can’t DEFRA vampires see in the mirror? The clown suit & wig.
- I don’t know what DEFRA’s problems are but I bet they’re all the long words used in psychiatric hospitals.
- DEFRA think the universe is made up of Protons, Electrons, Neutrons and Morons.
- What’s a DEFRA bureaucrat’s favourite mythical creature? A responsive hard-working bureaucrat.
- On a scale of North Korea to North America, how free are you living under DEFRA regulations?
- DEFRA are unresponsive and tone-deaf, the only government department who listens to you is run by GCHQ.
- A DEFRA bureaucrat was arrested for impersonating a public service worker - But he says all he was doing at the time was sitting in his office doing nothing.
- DEFRA’s productivity used to be measured with a clock, now they have to use an entire annual calendar to record any progress.
- My cousin applied for a job at DEFRA. What does he do now? Nothing, he’s employed by DEFRA.
- Writing regulations at DEFRA means imagining problems and finding the most inappropriate solutions.
- What type of car does a DEFRA bureaucrat drive? A Clown Car.
- A DEFRA bureaucrat thinks that a successful Zoom Call is where they manage to keep a straight face.
- A typical bureaucrats office conversation: “I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you”
- What’s the educational standard a DEFRA bureaucrat needs to reach? A degree in absurdity and responsibility avoidance.
- What says 'Oh-Oh-Oh at Christmas? It’s the sound of DEFRA bureaucrats walking back all of their mistakes.
- What’s the favourite Christmas cubicle sign for DEFRA bureaucrats? “Stay at your goddam desk and keep thinking inside the box.”
- DEFRA bureaucrats’ motto; if you can’t be someone’s reason to laugh, be their reason to make them drink a lot.
- The problem with DEFRA is that you can’t fix lazy and incompetent, so just document the evidence.
- A DEFRA bureaucrat likes to be paid from nine to five, but will try to be back at home by 2.
- Why do DEFRA bureaucrats have Christmas off? Because it’s like being paid not to work on every day of the year.
- Why can’t DEFRA bureaucrats see their own Pinocchio noses? Because it runs all day to get away from the truth.
- Why aren’t DEFRA bureaucrats employed as electricians? Because they’d screw the lightbulb into the shower hose because that’s what the regulations said to do.
- A DEFRA bureaucrat and a clown walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Is this, some kind of joke?”
- A DEFRA bureaucrat and a clown walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Take your clown wigs off, I can’t tell you apart.”
- Why do DEFRA bureaucrats like to sit in tiny cubicles? Because normal people have to think outside of the box.
- Why are DEFRA bureaucrats similar to atomic particles? They make up everything.
- What’s a bureaucrats favourite work? Team Work - So they have to have someone else to blame.
- Bureaucracy is the government’s way of providing incomes for useless people.
- What’s a DEFRA bureaucrat’s favourite childhood game? Snakes & Liars.
- “Because it would be hilarious” is not a sufficient reason to allow DEFRA bureaucrats to write legislation.
- If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re either a corpse or a bureaucrat.
- Halloween used to be the scariest night of the year, now it’s every time DEFRA post another set of half-baked lunatic regulations for our sector.
- What do you get if you cross the idiot who went swimming in the piranha pool with a DEFRA bureaucrat? A higher average IQ.
- Why is a DEFRA bureaucrat like a blocked toilet? They’re both full of shit.
- Why is trying to educate DEFRA bureaucrats a waste of time? Because while ignorance can be cured, stupidity can’t.
- What do DEFRA bureaucrats fear the most? Losing their life of Riley and index linked pension.
- Why aren’t DEFRA bureaucrats allowed to testify in court? Because every word creates another perjury trial.
- What happens when a postgraduate student becomes untethered from reality? They leave university and join the civil service.
- What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over an expecting a different result or expecting a DEFRA bureaucrat to do anything?
- What does a DEFRA bureaucrat think of people who obey rules? “Rules are just for the little people.”
- What do you call a naked bureaucrat with no teeth? A gummy bare.
- Once upon a time Empires were run by Emperors, Kingdoms were run by Kings, now all we have is Countries run by … bureaucrats.
- What do you get if you cross a DEFRA bureaucrat with a sociopathic robot? A DEFRA bureaucrat.
- What does Santa call his cat? Santa Paws.
- What’s DEFRA bureaucrats biggest disappointment? Not being able to spread their ergophobia to other sectors - look it up!